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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25252567">Pride</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/bookdoof/pseuds/bookdoof'>bookdoof</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Alec Lightwood Loves Magnus Bane, Alec Lightwood-centric, Angst, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 05:41:00</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,655</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25252567</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/bookdoof/pseuds/bookdoof</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Alec's journey towards acceptance and being himself.</p><p>--<br/>Check notes for TW.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Clary Fray/Jace Wayland, Magnus Bane &amp; Alec Lightwood, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Pride</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I haven't wrote in this fandom for a very long time, years actually. So please be nice!</p><p> ::TW::<br/>Very slight reference of parental ab*se. STAY SAFE!!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <hr/><p>Alec had always known that he was gay, much before he met Jace, but of course it was always easier to ignore back when he was younger and didn't understand love or relationships, back when his only focus was learning his runes and becoming a good Shadowhunter like his parents. But Alec knew he was different and that was because of a boy named Marcus. This boy was of another high family in the Clave and his parents needed a way back to the high position they once held. Therefore, Alec would be sent to study and train with boys of high families and would be forced into friendships with them; because everything, even something as simple as a friendship between children, was political in Alec's world. </p><p>Marcus was different from all the other friends Alec had been forced to make at such the young age of only eight. At such a young age and constantly controlled by his parents and reprimanded for the smallest of things such as a wrinkled shirt, Alec was a very anxious child. This wasn't common for Shadowhunters and all of the boys Alec were to befriend thought the boy was different and the friendships never lasted long, between the children or the parents. Marcus wasn't like this, he didn't mind that Alec was a little anxious and actually helped him come out of the shell he had spent years crafting. He would encourage Alec to speak up and would make sure to always let Alec know that he was proud of him when he would speak up. He would always support Alec and would constantly give him affirmations. The two became inseparable as the years went on, so much so that there was talk of the two becoming parabatai. </p><p> 
</p><p>The boys found great comfort in one another, as Alec helped Marcus too with his own anxiety; their parents were very alike. They would often hold hands in the comforts and privacy of their own rooms and sleep in the same bed. They understood each other in a way that no one did, because they were really the same, anxious and isolated boys with controlling parents. Perhaps that is why they got so close, so fast; perhaps that is why they would give each other small pecks on the cheeks, and why they would hold hands and hug. Whatever the reason be, they were more than just friends. They didn't know what they were because they had never seen or heard about boys as close as they were. So they didn't think about it too much, they figured if they were wrong to be so close that they would already know. </p><p> 
</p><p>Maryse was the one who demolished the peace they found within each other. The boys had been uncharacteristically more affectionate during a training session. They hadn't seen Maryse watching them, they hadn't known that she would later come into Alec's room as they slept beside one another, innocently holding hands and nothing more. But she had. The next morning she sent Marcus home saying Alec no longer had time for childish friendships and that he would have a new friend arriving soon that would become his parabatai, he no longer needed friendship from Marcus. Alec and Marcus would fight against this and made plans to secretly meet one another but with parents as controlling as they had, they would never see each other again. </p><p> 
</p><p>Alec was given a long lecture and a painful punishment about how he was not supposed to hold hands with boys, or hugs boys, or even look at boys as anything more than companions and fellow hunters. He had it beat into him and became even more reserved than he had been before he had met Marcus, he wouldn't even think of Marcus after the discussion he had with his parents. He became his parents perfect soldier and perfect son. He even began pretending to like girls the way that his father liked his mother. He had almost convinced himself that he liked girls and had a crush on a fellow peer named Susan when his parents introduced him to Jace. </p><p> 
</p><p>Alec had never seen anyone more beautiful. But he knew that this was wrong, he wasn't supposed to look at boys that way. He had tried to stop looking at Jace as more than a friend, as a potential crush. But everything about him was amazing to Alec. The way he laughed, the way the gold in his hair would sparkle in the sun, the way his eyes would scrunch when he was happy, the way that he cared about others and the way that he was able to be himself. Alec tried to distance himself, to please his parents and to ease the pain he felt whenever he thought about Jace as anything more than a friend. He focused on his studies more than he ever had before, more than any of his peers, so much so that he could ignore the attraction he felt to boys and didn't have to fake attraction to girls because he was so lost in his studies that nothing mattered and he didn't have time to think of anything else. He became the head of his class and his parents told him they were proud of him, for the first time in his life. </p><p> 
</p><p>Jace though, ruined this peace Alec had found in ignoring his problems when he asked Alec to become his parabatai. He viewed Alec's increased time in his academics and training as something his parents had mandated, the thought that it was because Alec hadn't wanted to be around him had never crossed his mind. He found Alec's dedication to his parents and their legacy to be honorable. This placed Alec into a quagmire. If he did this his parents would be proud and it would help their chances of returning honor to the Lightwood name but, it would mean that Alec would have to become very close with Jace, closer than he has been to any person ever. Alec pondered this for days but when Jace came into his room late at night, saddened by having to wait and feeling insecure, the answer was clear to Alec. He couldn't see someone he liked so much in such pain because of him. The pain he would feel in being so close to Jace in every aspect but the one he deeply desired, would be less than the pain of disappointing Jace. Plus, he was the eldest Lightwood child, his main purpose in life was to make those around him happy, whatever the cost. </p><p> 
</p><p>And so, they became parabatai. This was the second time his parents had said they were proud of him. And for a while, that was enough to ease the pain he felt. It was not longer pain of not being romantically involved with Jace, it was the pain of not being able to be who he was. He still had feelings for Jace but, could no longer tell of they were feelings of attraction toward Jace or feeling of attraction toward the confidence and strong sense of self Jace had. Instead of dealing with them, he ignored them and further pushed himself into his studies and training and when he was finished with those, he pushed himself into politics and becoming the Head of the New York Institute. </p><p> 
</p><p>All of that worked until Clary Fray entered his life. Jace had always been flirtatious but the way he was with Clary was so genuine that it hurt Alec. Because Jace would never be like that with Alec and Alec would never be like that with anyone. Because he wasn't normal, he was broken and no matter how hard he tried he couldn't fix himself. Though he realized that he never really tried when his parents introduced Lydia Branwell to him as his future wife. He realized that he had just ignored the problem, and tried to glue his broken pieces back together with learning and training. But Lydia, Lydia was the glue, she would be the one to fix him. </p><p> 
</p><p>And that's why he proposed and why his parents said they were proud of him for the third time. Of course, there was one thing he couldn't get out of his mind, or rather one man. Magnus Bane, he had entered Alec's life with Clary Fray and had made many advances onto Alec that Alec had declined because his parents were proud of him, because his parents were happy and so was Lydia. Alec had found himself at night thinking of the happiness he could find with Magnus, but only late at night. In the morning he would scold himself for the childish musings that kept him up all night, musings of happiness. He often had to remind himself that his happiness wasn't the priority of his life. His life was dedicated to ensuring the happiness of his family and restoring honor to their name. He had believed this strongly for his entire life and that is why he was prepared to marry Lydia, why he was at the alter with her. Of course, his sister had always disagreed with him and was why Magnus was at that wedding, why Alec left Lydia at the alter, and why he found happiness. </p><p> 
</p><p>Later once the guests had left and he was alone with Magnus his parents would come and reprimand him and he would take it and regret his decision of happiness. He would prepare to apologize but then Magnus wuld say he was proud of him, proud of Alec for being true to himself and finding himself after years of being lost and hiding. And so Alec wouldn't apologize to his parents but instead kiss the man that changed it all for him, the man he could be himself around and the man that he would marry, he could just feel it. </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sorry for the weak ending.<br/>I hope you enjoyed the fic though :)<br/>--<br/>Should I begin writing Malec again?</p></blockquote></div></div>
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